Errata Literary Magazine

Bucks County Writers Workshop

Fancy Fox and Bobby B
by Don Swaim

12:51 AM. Hi: Crystal A; Bobby B; Fancy Fox; Hacker Two; Ogre Dwarf; Happy One; Elektra; Susan S; Inka Bird (9 people on line)


BOBBY B: :-) Where you been, Fancy Fox?

OGRE DWARF: >;-> Hello, Fancy Fox.

FANCY FOX: They said I was ill.

OGRE DWARF: Glad you're better, Fancy Fox.

FANCY FOX: Hi to you, Ogre Dwarf.

ELEKTRA: Everything's cool in the Bay area, Fancy Fox. No quakes for the past hour.

BOBBY B: Three weeks since you've been on line, Fancy Fox.

HAPPY ONE: Hey, Fancy Fox. I'm camping out tonight.

INKA BIRD: I'm staying in bed.

HAPPY ONE: With who?

INKA BIRD: With whom, jerk.

HAPPY ONE: Who are you calling a jerk?

INKA BIRD: Take a guess.

SUSAN S: Hi, everyone. BAK.

HAPPY ONE: Why, it's {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{[[[[<<<>>>]]]]}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

OGRE DWARF: Anyone know the area code for Spokane?

BOBBY B: 509, lardass.

OGRE DWARF: Who you calling lardass?

BOBBY B: You, lardass.

OGRE DWARF: You don't know what kind of ass I got, {{{{{{{{{asshole}}}}}}}}}.

BOBBY B: Why Spokane, anyway?

OGRE DWARF: Old girlfriend just moved up there. Going to look her up. Zoom. Zooooooooooooooooooooooooooom!!!!

FANCY FOX: If I told you where I've been you wouldn't talk to me anymore.

BOBBY B: Bet I would, Fancy Fox.

OGRE DWARF: Fox, fox, fox, fox, fox, fox. ;-) ;-)

BOBBY B: Cool it, lardass.

OGRE DWARF: Ogre to you. What exactly is lard, anyway?

SUSAN S: It's like cooking oil.

FANCY FOX: Was away. Didn't want to go but they made me.

OGRE DWARF: Where's Inka Bird tonight?

BOBBY B: Where to, Fancy Fox?

FANCY FOX: They put me into a room.

BOBBY B: We're all in rooms.

FANCY FOX: Not like this.

OGRE DWARF: Anyone know the capital of South Dakota?

BOBBY B: Get lost, lardass. Fancy Fox is trying to have a serious conversation.

OGRE DWARF: Zoom. Zoom. Zoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooom!!!!

FANCY FOX: This room had a door and windows you can't open.

BOBBY B: My office is sealed like that. I work on the twenty-third floor.

FANCY FOX: I was on the first floor.

SUSAN S. I live on the first floor. In the rear where they stack the garbage.

HAPPY ONE: Here's what I think about you, Susan S: {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{[[[[<<<>>>]]]]}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

ELEKTRA: Hi, Susan S.

OGRE DWARF: Fox, fox, fox. Fancy Fox. I'd like to see your tail, Fancy Fox. ;-) ;-)

CRYSTAL A: Hi, Ogre, Hi Fox, Hi Bobby. BAK. Just logged on to download. Can only chat for a moment.

FANCY FOX: Hi, Crystal. Very sleepy.

CRYSTAL A: Why the hell is Iraq busting our balls, anyway?

BOBBY B: Fancy Fox, tell me about the first floor.

OGRE DWARF: IMHO, I know what Iraq aims to do. Saddam wants to take over the world.

CRYSTAL A: Get lost, dwarf. It only has eighteen million people. How are some camel drivers going to take over the world? All they can do is blow down a few skyscrapers.

OGRE DWARF: They've got poison gas. They can wipe us out.


OGRE DWARF: They could get Canada. Nova Scotia at least.

FANCY FOX: They finally let me leave.

HACKER TWO: Signing on. BAK. Hi all.

CRYSTAL A: Hi, Hacker Two. How are they {{{{{{{{{{hanging?}}}}}}}}}} Don't answer. Got to leave in a minute.

HACKER TWO: Anyone know how many time zones there are?

BOBBY B: Who's they, Fancy Fox?

FANCY FOX: Door always locked. Very tired.

ELEKTRA: I think there are 24 time zones around the world. Fractional ones and solar ones.

HACKER TWO: You sure, Elektra?

ELEKTRA: India is 10-1/2 hours faster than ESP.

CRYSTAL A: Saudi is on local solar time, figured daily at Mecca.

ELEKTRA: There are some crazy time zones. Like in Arizona.

HACKER TWO: How many TZs in China?

ELEKTRA: USSR has 11 time zones.

INKA BIRD: Greetings from the Deep South. BAK.

ELEKTRA: Our Dixie Queen. Hi, Inka Bird.

OGRE DWARF: Cute ID you have {{{{{{{{{>>>>>Inka Bird<<<<<}}}}}}}}}

CRYSTAL A: Canada has 5 TZs!

BOBBY B: Why are you so tired, Fancy Fox?

ELEKTRA: Did you know that Newfoundland time is :30 ahead of EDT?

OGRE DWARF: This is all trivia. How about some Zoom. Zoom. Zoooooooooooooooooom!!!!!!!!!!

ELEKTRA: China has ONE time zone.

HACKER TWO: Bejing time, period?

INKA BIRD: I hate it when daylight saving time comes and goes. I always screw it up.

CRYSTAL A: ;-) Just remember: fall forward and spring back.

HAPPY ONE: They're crazy in China. They like being different. That's why they have one TZ.

BOBBY B: Hello, Fancy Fox? Calling Fancy Fox.

OGRE DWARF: Fox, fox, fox, fox, fox, fox, fox, fox. ;-) ;-)

CRYSTAL A: We'll be in trouble if Saddam invades Japan.

HACKER TWO: Saddam's a Windows man.

CRYSTAL A: What do you mean?

HACKER TWO: He sucks like MS sucks You ever use Windows? Lousiest OS on the planet.

CRYSTAL A: LOL. Should have guessed, Hack.

HACKER TWO: Where are you from, C-A?

CRYSTAL A: Detroit.

HACKER TWO: You have my sympathies, C-A. :[

BOBBY B: Fancy Fox, You're not answering. How come you're so tired?

ELEKTRA: Are you still on line, Susan S?

SUSAN S: Right here.

ELEKTRA: That's my real name too. Susan. But I like things Greek. So my handle is Elektra. You're a woman, right?

SUSAN S: I'm a female, anyway.

OGRE DWARF: ;-) Heheheš Susan would be a strange name for a guy.

ELEKTRA: I'd be pretty strange for a guy too.

FANCY FOX: Took pills.

SUSAN S: I guess I was the first of the Susans on this BBS. But I've noticed a lot more recently.

HAPPY ONE: Cannibalism is a mostly human trait.

CRYSTAL A: LOL. That's funny, Hap.

INKA BIRD: Can I tell you how confusing it is to enter into the middle of a very bizarre conversation? I thought we were talking about time zones.

BOBBY B: What's this about pills, Fancy Fox?

ELEKTRA: Where are you from, Susan?

SUSAN S. Wisconsin. Madison. Now I'm in Oakland.

ELEKTRA: That's incredible!!!! I'm from Madison too. And now I Iive in Oakland Ain't life amazing?

HAPPY ONE: And I'm in Columbus. Waiting for football. That's what we do here. Either WAIT for football or PLAY football.

HACKER TWO: Inka Bird, you just wait a minute and the conversation will change!

INKA BIRD: I'm trying to follow the flow here. But I keep getting #@*&+_*~.

HACKER TWO: Watch it. They'll shut us down. :-(

FANCY FOX: Must sign off now. Falling asleep.

OGRE DWARF: Anybody here into eating weird food? Like me?

CRYSTAL A: You said, football, Happy One? What about baseball? Are you a Royals Fan??? (hopehopehope)

HAPPY ONE: Baseball. Yuck.


BOBBY B: Don't go to sleep on us now, Fancy Fox.

INKA BIRD: I love raw food!!!!

OGRE DWARF: And I love eating live things. Is that strange? Zoom. Zoom. Zooooooooooooooooooom!!!

CRYSTAL A I'm from KC. I used to dream about balling the Royals. One by one.

SUSAN S: No X-rated talk on this forum. They'll take away our passwords.

HACKER TWO: I like the Royals all right. But I have to boost the Red Sox cause I live in The Hub.

BOBBY B: You said you took pills, Fancy Fox. How many pills?

ELEKTRA: Susan S, we should try to arrange a L'SusanFest sometime. For the two of us. Wouldn't that be fun?

INKA BIRD: I was in Canada last week eating live clams and oysters. You squeeze on a little lime and munch while they move. :-)

FANCY FOX: All of them.

SUSAN S: Maybe we should create our own public forum, Elektra: "The Den of Susans."

OGRE DWARF: My fantasy tonight. To be surrounded. To be suffocated. By {{{{{{{{{>>>>>>>>>Susans<<<<<<<<<}}}}}}}}}.

CRYSTAL A: Hacker Two, how come you like the Royals so much if you're not from KC?

HACKER TWO: Went to school with Bobbie Karkovic.

CRYSTAL A: THE Karkovic?

HACKER TWO: Second baseman.

HAPPY ONE: Never heard of him. Maybe I should look him up in the Baseball Encyclopedia?

CRYSTAL A: Happy One, you're into football. Buckeye state, right?

INKA BIRD: What the hell IS a buckeye, anyway?

HAPPY ONE: Well, they grow on trees. Fall off of trees. How the hell do I know what a buckeye is?

BOBBY B: Where are you Fancy Fox? Where do you live?

INKA BIRD: Thought you were only staying on line to download, Crystal A?

CRYSTAL A: Sometimes things get interesting, you know?

HAPPY ONE: In 1953 the Earth experienced a War of the Worlds.

OGRE DWARF: You spoke of war, O happy one?

HAPPY ONE: Just thought I'd say that.

ELEKTRA: I guess we're all slightly off the wall and weird.

HAPPY ONE: Like I said, cannibalism is a mostly human trait.

SUSAN S: That's amusing. :-)

FANCY FOX: Must go now. Too tired to go on.

BOBBY B: Don't leave, Fancy Fox. I got to know where you are.

CRYSTAL A: Must split. Going over to software. There's a free arcade game that blows my mind.

OGRE DWARF: Blows your what? >;->

CRYSTAL A: You creep. Bye.

ELEKTRA: So, Susan S. There's this little Armenian place near Berkeley. Yosarrian's?

SUSAN S: Yosarrian's. I know Yosarrian's.

ELEKTRA: Since we're both in....

SUSAN S: And named Susan....

ELEKTRA: We could....

SUSAN S: Friday?

ELEKTRA: About four?

SUSAN: I have frizzy hair and walk with a limp.

ELEKTRA: I have a hairlip.

SUSAN: We'll recognize each other.

ELEKTRA: See you then.

SUSAN: Bye. :*

ELEKTRA: Bye. :*

BOBBY B: Don't sign off, Fancy Fox. What's your name? Real name. What city are you in? What's your number?

INKA BIRD: I've got a letter to fax.

HACKER TWO: Crapping out, {{{{{{{{{{Inka Bird?}}}}}}}}}}

INKA BIRD: Work awaits. Bye.

FANCY FOX: It's all going around.

HACKER TWO: You still there, Happy One?


HACKER TWO: So say something profound, Happy One.

HAPPY ONE: Remember what I said about cannibalism? I'm hungry now. Got to see what's in the fridge.

HACKER TWO: Don't go. Night's still young.


BOBBY B: Fancy Fox.

FANCY FOX: Leaving.

BOBBY B: Don't leave. Don't leave.

FANCY FOX: Can't stay awake any longer. Bye. Ll

OGRE DWARF: >;-> Fox, fox, fox, fox, fox, fox, fox. >;->

HACKER TWO: I could be doing something important right now. Hacking into the Pentagon. Treasury Department. Enron.

OGRE DWARF: Still hanging in, Hacker Two?

HACKER TWO: What else do I have to do?

OGRE DWARF: Guess the foxes have all gone away. Zoom. Zoom. Zooooooooooooooom!!!!!

HACKER TWO: You're an asshole, Ogre Dwarf. An exhibitionistic asshole.

OGRE DWARF: Suck it, Hacker Two.

BOBBY B: Fancy Fox. Fancy Fox.


BOBBY B: Oh my God. Doesn't anyone know what's happening here? X-(


BOBBY B: Wake up, wake up, Fancy Fox. :* :*

1:46 AM. Bye: Crystal A; Bobby B; Fancy Fox; Hacker Two; Ogre Dwarf; Happy One; Elektra; Susan S; Inka Bird (9 people off line)


BAK = back at keyboard
AFK = away from keyboard
IMHO = in my humble opinion
LOL = laughing out loud
:-) = smile
;-) = wink
>;-> = devilish wink
{ } = hug
[ ] = more hugs
< > = making love
:* = kisses
:[ = real downer
:-( = frown
ll = asleep
X-( = user just died

Bucks County Writers Workshop