Stoopid Names 2007

Don't resort to the telephone book to come up with names for your characters. Here's a list I culled over a ten-day period in January from the spam in my G-mail account (an excellent free web-based email service I use when ordering something online or dealing with people I don't want to know). Feel free to use this list. Clearly, there's little relationship between the first names and the last.

Spammers, lowest form on earth (next to a certain elected dullard), manufacture names to hide their true identities. In no case did I open the spam. I just copied, pasted, and sorted the names. There are actually sites to aid spammers in concocting phony names. One is: Funny Names.

Never read spam. Use a filter to direct it into a junk folder, which you can scan every couple of days to make sure nothing important was sent there by mistake. And above all, never open any attachment from someone you don't know. Spammers have no dignity, pride, or conscience -- and a lot of spam is not merely annoying but criminal. And now, instead of text, they're actually attaching graphics to their spam to avoid revealing words, such as Viagra, diet, mortgage, etc.

I don't mean to insult anyone. When I did this a couple of years ago a woman, obviously having Googled her name, saw hers on my Stupid Names list and sent me an angry email. I know my own name is side-splitting to some people, but to me not as much as Alvis Fludd, Pippin Delk, or Sophronius Marrs. More to come.

Abimelech Hidalgo
Ahti Rubin
Alvis Fludd
Alwilda Gleason
Amandine Solley
Anah Golay
Beatrice Nowak
Benedicta Stoops
Betelgeuse Hogle
Cepheus Wharton
Chiela Friedrich
Clark Tighe
Corynn Downing
Dorit Blanford
Einion Woodhouse
Eleutherius Leaman
Ereshkigal Labonte
Etheldreda Crail
Fannie Mcentee
Filib Vanguilder
Finnian Edney
Frang Borden
Gabriela Mccomas
Gottfried Faulcon
Hemi Morlock
Henri Melillo
Herman Harman
Hiram Brehmer
Ikaia Shelly
Imaculada Wirtz
Ives Hereford
Jehoash Meaux
Leah Samaniego
Lim Laubach
Lucija Lindenberg
Madeline Emery
Malie Hiser
Malka Kuss
Mariko Amendola
Orrin Goodell
Ouida Daggett
Pippin Delk
Shamira Dipiazza
Shmuel Cates
Sophronius Marrs
Traci Eichman
Valentina Jolly
Zahra Hadlock
Zhenya Courtney

Bucks County Writers Workshop